My Musings

Guys and Gals

Guys and Gals

People with experience all say that strong marriages take work. Let’s take their word on that and move on to some practical therefores.

Let’s begin with the guys…

    “Nothing runs without maintenance. This includes your marriage.” ~ Jerry Jones, October 9,
    2013, at the Lewiston Church of Christ in Idaho.

Husbands, even if you married the lowest maintenance woman you could find, don’t treat her that way. Another word for maintenance is care. Make care an action verb. Better yet, make it fun. Here are a few pointers I heard at our “Relationships Matter” conference (led by Jerry and Lynn Jones) last week at the Lewiston Church of Christ:

  • Plan regular dates with your wife or say “yes” when she plans one.
  • Offer ten constructive compliments for any one negative.
  • Spend at least thirty minutes of face time with her daily.
  • Face your troubles with more smiles.
  • Live like a victor and not a victim.

Guys can be clueless about women. The best “clue” I’ve heard in years came from Lynn Jones, co-teacher with Jerry at our “Relationships Matter” conference. She said, “Sexuality to a woman is how you treat her 24/7.” Hmm. So, if turning on the vacuum can turn on your wife, well, maybe a good life with her is easier to have than you thought.

Now for the gals…
First, choose a man who respects you and then root your relationship with him in respect (even if he has flaws). Be careful about saying to yourself: “If you are not going to meet my needs, then I’m not going to meet yours.” One of the greatest gifts you can give to your husband is YOUR happiness. Remember, if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. So be happy! He needs that in you. You win too because you get to be happy! Well timed smiles can charm your husband out of his mind. “You have the cutest frown I’ve ever seen” said no husband ever, unless it was said in jest. Speaking of good timing, work in some flirts too. Once in a while, initiate affection. Most importantly, forgive him… again. Hopefully, he will respect that.

For both partners…

Personal accountability is 24/7. Freedom from addiction is also a 24/7 discipline. As Lynn Jones said, “Dysfunction thrives in secrets.” So, sacrifice your secrets on the altar of love.

If you are in despair regarding your marriage, turn first to God. This will not give you control over your spouse but as Jerry said, “If God can raise up the stinking body of Lazarus, He can raise up your stinking marriage!” His wife Lynn added, “If you don’t fight for your marriage, Satan will.”

Finally, let’s hear from a pastor who never experienced the work or the joy of marriage (he was engaged to be married when the Nazi’s executed him):


About the Author:

Joel graduated from Pepperdine University with a B.A., completing two majors: Art and Religion. He went on to earn the Master of Divinity degree from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. The views expressed on this blog are personal and belong to Joel Solliday unless otherwise stated. They are not, intended to characterize the views of the Lewiston Church of Christ or other organizations to which I may refer.

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